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09:06am 15/12/2012

perhaps the greatest question , singular word, and/or thought of all mankind.

it is the greatest question , behind "is there a god?" in all of humanity. and just like the god question,
there is no answer.

you will never know until you die. or at least then, you will stop asking.

i've often wondered in my life what is wrong with me. I am not normal. I have not only done the wrong thing in my life, I have also made others life worse.

I have no sympathy for ppl like me. you fucked up your life, you fucking deal with it,

I have so much guilt for the life that I lived, that I dont think anyone will ever be able to be close enough to me to help. Im only living now , in the hope that someday my past will catch up to, find me, and want to know why.

I will have no answer.

only an explanation , that I hoped your life was better without me.

my dream ended a long time ago , I hope yours never does.


stupor bowl...   
07:54am 04/02/2008
  kay cee you jinx the pats!

i wonder how many commercials eli is going to milk this puppy for.
damn.. what could have been.

guess its time to move onto college basketball.

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talk about a bad monday...   
10:04am 15/10/2007
  i got fired today.

for arguing wit our ombudsman at work friday about her giving me an assignment.
i shouldnt have argued wit her, but i was right.
not that that matters now.

i'm in total shock.

and piss'd that i wasted 3 years of my life working my ass off at that place.

guess i'll mark down todays date as another starting over point.



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getting back on the road...   
01:55pm 25/09/2007
  after suffering through my punishment at being too drunk and proud to admit my defeat (result = 3 ass whuppins, 3 weeks of bruised ribs, slightly more bruised ego), i finally got in a run yesterday. an easy (i.e. slow) 3-4 miler, of which i was dry-mouthed (read: dehydrated) barely 15 minutes into it. must love it when you lose your conditioning. : )

the only good thing i can take from it, is that the nagging calf-strain i had lingering from my injury last winter seems to be gone. wont know for sure till i can get some more miles on it and start to push it a bit. anyway, it felt good.

now to rant: i fooking HATE mexicans! wait, i dont hate MEXICANS i hate this newfound love affair the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE is having wit mexicans. not only during the sunday night game did they start displaying the bears and cowboys scoreboard IN MEXICAN but then last night on Monday Night Football they are doing MEXICAN ONLY FOOKING LANGUAGE commercials. GO FUCK YOURSELF NFL!

mexico doesnt care about the NFL. they care about soccer, just like all 465451 of the other countries in the world, and we here in the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA dont! (side note, i actually do like soccer but you wont catch me fighting for it anytime soon) give it the fuck up!

now, my problem wit this #1 is I AM NOT MEXICAN and DO NOT want to watch COMMERCIALS in the first place CERTAINLY NOT IN SOME FUCKING LANGUAGE THAT IS NOT AMERICAN! next, what is there like 3 mutherfucking mexicans in the NFL anyway? so who the fuck are they actually going here for? oh wait is it because the LATINO population is growing the fastest in the USA? oh yeah, so because some MINORITY cannot keep their legs crossed, use birth-control, or better yet just MAKE THAT BITCH SWALLOW IT!!! i have to watch FOOTBALL which is by far the MOST AMERICAN sport we have... in spanish! i know i am not alone in this.

but you know who should be more pissed off than me? Fucking Black People. yeah, thats right. we dont see know damn commercials in fucking zwaheli, or ghetto slang, or what the fuck ever. fuck even the pre-game ritual of ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL has got some honky fucker.. not to mention the NFL would SUCK BALLS without all the GREAT BLACK PLAYERS (i said PLAYERS btw, not just ATHLETES incase you didnt notice the respect there) we have been blessed with. Black People everywhere should be pissed about this. Rev. AL? Jesse? Rosa Parks baby? where the fuck are you guys not jumping all over this sheit!

where the fuck is imus when you need him.

note: i dont blame this on mexicans, cuz i love your brown asses too. i blame it on the NFL for trying to EXPLOIT YOU and thus they are shoving it down my unwilling throat (another hint at birth-control there buddy).

oh, and if this offends anyone i've lived in alabama and seen and fought real racism face to face so dont come at me unless your prepared to really piss me off.

thank you, have a fucking nice day.


self-anointed top asshole,

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The G.O.A.T (Greatest Of All Time) Retires...   
12:07pm 14/08/2007
  taken from wikipedia..

"Ricky holds the all time record for wins and championships in AMA competition. He has 150 wins, and has never lost an outdoor championship. He is unquestionably the most dominant racer of his generation, and the only significant records he does not hold are Most 250 Supercross Victories and Most 125 National victories which are held by Jeremy McGrath and James Stewart respectively. Carmichael got his 101st motocross event win on July 1, 2007 with a 2 & 1 duel with James Stewart at Red Bud. Ricky retired after winning his last race in AMA toyota motorcross series in millville, Minnesota."

- ricky also is the only rider EVER to have an complete undefeated season in an AMA Pro National event, and he did it twice (2002 and 2005).

- mcgrath was King of motocross before ricky, but ricky is the GOD of two-wheels on dirt. : )

- he's slated to make his NASCAR Busch series debut (YES HES GOING TO STOCK CARS!) in 2008, under the mentoring of Mark Martin.

Anybody thats ever been a motocross fan or watched a race knows how much ricky will be missed. he not only dominated, he SPANKED all the competition. it was never "is ricky going to win today?" it was how far BEHIND 2nd was going to be. he once in an outdoor national wit a mud-bogged course lapped all the way to SECOND PLACE!!! he is the micheal jordan of motocross and the only shame is that more ppl werent there to witness his unbeleiveable skill, speed, and sheer determination to WIN!

the only thing that makes me sadder than him moving on, is thinking ahead to the day when Rossi retires from MotoGP... *sniff* *sniff*


my friend   
02:19am 22/06/2007
  Running, and stumbling – smashing faces, making places fit.
I ramble and dance in smoke ah spent, hoping…
Just to get.
(The only others are those that wonder
How I came to this bit!)
Trembling in hands
Not meant to hit
Only to hold and kiss.
You should laugh now at me!
Short as my sight may be
I still, keep searching
With one hand or two,
for the bottle in front of me.
There she is to my despise,
My God, My Savior, My Guise,
If only, she were my friend.


after this night (corrections) ,   
11:33pm 03/06/2007
  yay! for drunk entries...

planning to run the KAW5K, an i need the motivation.
so, that gives me less than 2 weeks and i need to get in some
good runs. i know its too late to do anything drastic, so i;m
just going to try and pick up the intensity and maintain.

should be fun, cant wait

ciao, hy

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how is it almost june already?   
11:59am 30/05/2007
  so its wednesday, and feels like friday already. not friday as in tomorrow is
saturday either, if you feel me.

anyway, got to float the river last weekend, and it was a scene. not as many crazy
wild ppl out, but had its own elements to enjoy. as in the tsunami that dropped
on us at the end. we managed to ride it out right before everything flooded, and
certain death was to follow. i felt like a nigga on a slave ship i had to paddle
so much.. it took a full night of drinkn n' movies and a complete day of pj's on
the couch to recover. -pfew.

i'm really disappointed wit my workouts lately. cant get into a regular schedule
at the gym, and still havent got back to the weekly miles i was running last summer.
i dont know if its a mental thing or my age is catching up to me. regardless,
excuses are just that, excuses. i feel i may need to alter some of my bad habits
and extracurricular actives to get back where i want to be.

man up, nigga..

ciao, hy

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at least i've never been molested in gym class...   
09:20am 24/05/2007
  but today is my friday.

still a lil stuffy, and its crappy weather outside but i dont care. going
to make an appearance at work, then i'm off till tuesday.
most nice, : )

looking forward to catching up wit everyone this weekend, so lets go.


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acute vertigo, brought on most likely by viral infection of the ear.   
09:40am 16/05/2007
  translation, wicked bad ear thingy that makes you crazy dizzy and barf violently.

so thats what put me in the ER sun night, till about 430am. most not plur..

i'll spare the details, but want to give thanks to ruben for helping me to the car
and debra for taking me to the ER and keeping the creepy 'oh-you-have-really-nice-veins'
nurse guy off my bod. oh yeah, and kaci for it not being poisoned peanut butter. yah!

i feel much better today. they said as long as the symptoms go away i should be fine.
if they pop back up, then i would need like a head x-ray, to see if i have a brain
tumor. i thought that part was fukking hilarious! i could go all rainman on yo assses,
but shiet i dont remember rainman getting any chicks so that would suck. maybe i could
always fake having one, and pretend it made it me all fuck-bitch-cunt-whore, turrets-like
muthafukker. that would be kool!

anyway, i'm looking forward to getting back into a better mode, and back in the gym and
running. i've just felt incredibly lazy, lethargic, bag of worthless shiet the last few
days. like i said, today is much better, and time to get back on track



mama, were meant for the flies   
10:35am 02/05/2007
  yeah yeah..

so i havent posted lately, being that ive ben working my ass off like a $2 dolla whore.
in and out of town alot, and when i am here its all i can do to try and catch up and
still end up missing ppl. (casce last weekend for example, we can play makeup this weeknd
wit some MotoGP.)

not complaining though, and not about to brag but things have been good.

had this fukkd up dream the other morning. 1 of those, since-you-dont-want-to-listen-to-

precisely, that type of dream. no details needed and if you know me well enough to know
my fatal flaws (its not bitches either) then you know what i am talking about and i dont
need to say anything. thats one mistake i dont want to repeat and a place i never want to
go back to again. the beauty of it all, is that its all up to me. that simple.

nuff of that, its been a good week my out of town trip got moved back a week so ive had
plenty of time wit the gang, and am trying to get back into my workout groove. had some
really good runs this week, the humidity from yesterday caught me of gaurd and had me
wanting to tank it my last mile and a half, but i MANND UP and finished like a champ.
albeit, a sweaty, drenched, whipped champ. :pish:

i cant wait for the summer heat to get here, though i realize my on and off schedule of
running is going to have to sharpen up. but i love running in the heat, and the longer
days - just plur.

otherthanthat, things are moving along and hopefully here soon ill have a few more
goals taken care of, and maybe a few more steps down the road. its been a tough 3
years, and trust me i thank all of you for being there for me.
i know im not the easier friend to have, and i dont show my appreciation very often
and yes im pretty much a dickhead all the time, but fuck it you know you love me. :D
youve been there for me, and you dont even have to ask - anytime you need to bury
a bitch in the desert, i got the shovel - you provide the bitch and its a party!

sometimes, you just got to say FUCK IT

get, hy

(2 lines on the | table)

what the night   
02:15am 12/04/2007
  at work, and wont be getting home for another hour or so. been
working my butt off lately, 60-plus hour weeks, 23 hour days, out of
town ALOT - but i,m not complaining.

i asked for the responsibility (at work), and they gave it to me. so its my show to run now
up here and this is the way i want to do it. i know i,m giving up plenty but i,m
digging myself out of the hole i've been in for the past 3 years nearly. (by my own
doing, btw.)

looking forward to catching up on some rest, and the M.C.R. show monday nite wit jorge..



Lesbians of Mass Destruction   
03:32pm 01/03/2007
  "Lesbians of Mass Destruction
The empty case against Mary Cheney
By William Saletan
Posted Saturday, Dec. 23, 2006, at 7:17 AM ET

Poor Dick Cheney. He was sure we'd find weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. We searched and searched, but he refused to give up.

Now he's discovering what it's like to be on the other end of such obtuse certainty. The conservative jihad has turned from Saddam to Sodom. Moralists are denouncing Cheney's pregnant daughter, Mary, for disclosing that she and her lesbian partner will raise the baby together. The moralists are confident that having two mommies is bad for kids. And no evidence to the contrary can dissuade them.

The 30-year search for proof that gay parents are destructive looks a lot like the hunt for WMD. The American Psychological Association has compiled abstracts of 67 studies. Some are plainly biased, and only the latest two or three have avoided the methodological flaws of earlier investigations. But after 67 tries, you'd expect the harm of gay parenting to show up somewhere. Yet in study after study, on measure after measure, kids turn out the same.

One study found that straight parents "made a greater effort to provide an opposite-sex role model for their children," but it doesn't say whether this affected the kids. Another says children raised by lesbian couples "were more likely to explore same-sex relationships," but it doesn't say they turned out gay. Other studies say they seldom do.

That's it. That's the evidence against gay parenthood. On the other hand, three studies say lesbians share child care more equally than straight couples do. Others conclude that lesbians are more satisfied with their relationships, that they show more "parenting awareness skills," that nonbiological lesbian moms "played a more active role in daily caretaking than did most fathers," and that their kids are less domineering and experience "greater warmth and interaction with their mother."

Such unwelcome findings haven't chastened the antigay lobby any more than they've chastened the Bush administration. If the direct evidence doesn't bear you out, look for indirect evidence. So conservatives have developed a subtler argument: On average, children do best when raised by their two married, biological parents.

Let's take this argument a piece at a time. It's true that two parents are better than one. It's also true that married parents are better than unmarried ones. But those aren't arguments against gay parenthood. They're arguments for gay marriage.

The biological part of the argument is more serious. On average, kids do better with parents than with stepparents. Focus on the Family, a leading moralist group, concludes that gay parenthood is unhealthy because "it is biologically impossible for a child living in a same-sex home to be living with both natural parents." Actually, that may change. Scientists recently produced a fertile adult mouse by combining, in one embryo, DNA from two females. But a lesbian who wants a genetic bond to her partner's baby doesn't have to wait for such technology. She can simply ask her brother to donate the sperm.

If you believe, as Focus on the Family does, that we should stop creating families in which one parent is biologically unrelated to the child, then gays are the least of your worries. By professional estimates, 40,000 babies are born each year from donated eggs or sperm. You want to stop nonbiological parenthood? Go chain yourself to a sperm bank.

For that matter, if you want every child to have the benefit of two parents, you're picking on the wrong Cheney. Mary's sister, Liz, just had her fifth kid. All things being equal, Liz's baby will get one-fifth as much parental attention as Mary's will get. But nobody complains about that.

And let's not forget that the case against nonbiological parenthood is based on averages. Averages make bad law. The best critique of gay parenting studies is that because many homosexuals are closeted, those who are found by researchers and who agree to participate are disproportionately white, well-educated, and female. But that's exactly what Mary Cheney is. She's a vice president of AOL. Her partner's current occupation is renovating their home. Should they abstain from motherhood because they're above average?

The same goes for gender averages. James Dobson, chairman of Focus on the Family, says Cheney's pregnancy is a bad idea because a father "makes unique contributions to the task of parenting that a mother cannot emulate," such as "a sense of right and wrong and its consequences." You must be kidding. Cheney's partner is a former park ranger. They met while playing collegiate hockey. If they want a night out to catch an NHL game, Grandpa Dick can drop by to read bedtime stories about detainee interrogation.

If you're going to base family policy on averages, the chief problem isn't stepparents; it's men. That's what "pro-family" groups keep covering up. According to Focus on the Family, "Increased risks of physical and sexual child abuse at the hands of non-biological parents are another serious concern for same-sex families." Nope, not for lesbians. The latest study cited by the group actually concludes that the "key risk factors are living with a stepfather or the mother's boyfriend." Of 55 child deaths reviewed in the study, zero were caused by a stepmother or by a biological mother in a stepfamily or live-in relationship. Other studies show the same pattern in child abuse generally.
Click Here!

The Family Research Institute says Cheney's child "will disproportionately associate with homosexuals—who are as a class considerably more apt to have STDs and a criminal history [and] be interested in sex with children." That's hilarious. Women commit 3.5 percent of single-perpetrator sexual assaults and make up 7 percent of the prison population.

The Family Research Council says lesbians are dangerous parents because of their "high prevalence of life events and behaviors related to mental health problems," particularly rapes and sexual attacks. But if you look up the study cited by the council, guess who committed virtually all of the rapes and sexual attacks? Men.

You want to protect kids? Here's my proposed constitutional amendment: "Marriage in the United States shall consist of a union involving at least one woman."

Or you could just let Mary Cheney raise her child in peace. "

A version of this article also appears in the Outlook section of the Sunday Washington Post.

- - - holler!


HE Y KACI!!!   
03:33pm 16/11/2006

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HOLLA HOT MAMA (long blog beware!)   
12:46pm 21/09/2006
  nothing can make your day, like a hot chick!

get this; i'm out running around about being the work
bitch and getting office supplies when i drive by best
buy and remember a convo kaci and i had about music
to jam to. how we used to drive around blasting some
taking back sunday! drunk, clubing, praying that if i die
that night theres no other persons i'd rather be with.

unfortunately, my TBS cd was lost in the casulty that
was my last relationship (she didnt like the cd so right
there i should have know something was wrong wit her).
so fukk yeah, i decide to hit up tha sto and get back
some timeless tunes. i'm in there less than 10 minutes
and its pretty empty but some reason the 1 GUY in line
ahead of me is slow as shiet. so i doodle .. lada lada lada.

when, from across the store i spot this chick, and i mean
catches me glaring at her but i dont give a fuck and never
have.. she comes up behind me (eh kinky?) and goes,

"are you ready to check out? i can get you over here."

uh, damn right you can lady! so i follow her over dragging
my tung all the way. so the second thing i notice (we all
know what the first is :) is the ROCK on this chicks finger!
(this is a habit i've picked up lately that i am not all to
found off btw - why should i care if you are married? - maybe
its that whole over 30 and single thang) so this rock has got
to be at least 3 carats (dont ask how i know this) and i'm
thinking for a split second SOME LUCKY GUY but what are
you doing working here ? so what the fuck ever this chick is
smoking and i got at least few minutes to admire and i'm
going to make the most of it.

simple chit chat back and forth about change and best buy
card i wasnt thinking at all... and she stops talking and
just loooks at me for a whole minunte-that-felt-like-DAYS,
and shes says,

"i really like your hair...
and your piercing..
and your ear rings...



baby - still got it!

i couldnt even say anything. no thank you. or i know.
or can i lay a smack on your ass right now!

i just flashed that big grin of mine and walked out. left
my reciept and all..damn.


so yeah, that may sound a lil dramatic to some .. but
damn i've been in a funk lately and i was wondering when i was
going to wake up and get back to shiet. i think that right there
just did it.

so lady, thank you from the bottow of my heart you made my day,
week, month, ever more. i hope you are happy and become happily
married - but if not maybe i see you around. :D




i've decided   
12:04am 13/09/2006
  now its only a matter of do .


(2 lines on the | table)

starting on day 2   
07:24am 10/08/2006
  of not smoking. could have been day 3, but i cheated the other night. :D
so i have to make my first installment payment today for my Court fines, tickets..
thing is, i missed my damn court date for the other tickets, so i "might"
have warrants. i think i'll just wait till tomorrow, i've got a half day at
work, so if they end up tossin my ass in jail, i'll have to weekend to sort it
out. so much fun, is it not.

its only thursday, but feels like monday all over again.



crazy week kids   
04:02pm 28/07/2006
  err, past 2 weeks you could say. i'm looking forward to some just chill time
(aka as broke ass nigga) this weekend. i'm sans the fags, as they are off to
some mescan beach where i am sure storm will be graciously uber-drunken. that
leaves me to babysit puck , which is going to get a new lesson in

:lol: dont worry chaca, he;ll be in one piece by the time you get back :D

oh yeah, if havent got it yet, new # 733-3934

so holla at me


(1 lines on the | table)

workouts: for mind, body, and soul   
02:18pm 20/06/2006

had a great run yesterday. about a 4-miler - and i hit a really good pace. the heat was beating down on me, but i toughed it out. i've had a lot on my heart and mind lately, so it was good to take some of that out on the pavement.

its been another long day , so i guess i'll be punishing myself on the asphalt again this afternoon. wit my late lacking diet and need for pain, maybe i can finally cross that last hurdle in finally getting into serious running shape. ahh, the possibilities



(1 lines on the | table)

its tough   
03:14pm 18/06/2006
  trusting someone. especially when in the end, you;re left
feeling used. but that happens, its life - you deal with it.
best of luck in life to you gurl ,
myself i;ve got things i need to take care of personally so thats
my focus for now. i'm really thinking i need to get back on 2 wheels
for the summer. :D

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